The first step is the hardest
The warm water patters my skin and drips off my body without me even noticing. I’m staring out at the light through the window, the soothing sound of falling water filling my ears.
Why is it I always seem to make the big decisions while I’m standing in the shower?
As the warm water defrosts my body on the cold morning, my mind drifts and I take stock of my current situation in life. It is in that quiet and peaceful few minutes that I am able to shut out the rest of the world. Its quiet enough to hear that little voice within. Its that voice that tells me what my heart wants. I’ve learnt from past experience that listening to my heart directs me to what I really need. So I listened.
And that’s when I decided that in order to give my heart what it wanted, I needed to move away from the life I used to live. I needed to move to England.
They say courage is when you face something scary and yet you do it anyway. Yes I was scared. Moving meant giving up my safety net. Purposely letting go of the comfortable life I had made for myself in my hometown with close friends and a stable job. I had worked hard to get to this point. Yet, despite all of this… it no longer made me happy.
“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream” – Paulo Coelho
Since I left high school, I always intended to live and work in another country. But then I got busy building a career. I got distracted by long term relationships. When I did eventually spend a year abroad, trying to fit back into the life I had built at home has more difficult than I could have imagined. I don’t want to be that same person I was when I left, and I could feel myself morphing back into that.
Moving to another country will be opening so many opportunities for myself, I know. But it also means starting from scratch. It will be uncomfortable, at some points even awful. I’ll have little money. I probably wont have a social circle for a long time. I will have to start again at the bottom, doing hard, crappy work. Why would any sane person leave the ‘good life’ behind and do that to themselves?
“People underestimate their capacity for change. There is never a right time to do a difficult thing” – John Porter
I have no idea how this is all going to turn out, and I realise i’m sounding negative at the moment. But I do believe, whether things turn out better or worse – I need to do this. And I don’t think I will ever regret trying to make the most of of my life. I really am an optimist, its just the first step is the hardest I guess.
Now that I’ve made the decision and put things in motion, there is nothing left but to put my fears to bed, embrace the change, live with hope, and make the most of the great adventure that is to follow! It will be amazing, I’m sure.
“Uncertain as I was as I pushed forward, I felt right in my pushing, as if the effort itself meant something” – Cheryl Strayed